Dying To Be Beautiful

I'm having a bit of an "ugly day" today. My hair won't go right, I have a cold sore and my eyes are those of a woman whose little angel woke her up one time too many the night before. So we have had a stay at home day today, for me to rest and recharge the batteries and hopefully tomorrow when I wake up I'll feel more like my usual self. We are constantly bombarded with unachievable, unrealistic images of "beauty" that when you have an off day its hard not to feel like a cross between a yeti and elephant man, and that perhaps you should be wearing a paper bag over your head to protect the rest of the world from your hideousness!

Just how unattainable these visions of beauty, that smile down at us benignly from bill board adverts, shop windows, newspapers, magazines, television programmes, cinema screens and just about every type of media you can think of are, was brought home to me by a website I came across on Stumble Upon : http://www.digitalphotoshopretouching.com/retouching.htm
It shows pictures of women who are absolutely gorgeous who are then, using the magic powers of photographic trickery, "improved". The truth is that no-one looks like the men and women who are chosen to represent what is considered to be the apex of beauty, not even those said same models! Need a chin-remodel, rhinoplasty, eyebrow lift, wrinkle removal, etc, etc, etc? You got it. A click of a mouse button here, a blend there and hey presto, now they look good! So if these naturally beautiful, leggy, lithe, never had a stretch mark, spot or bar of chocolate, paragons of beauty are additionally "improved", what hope do the rest of us have of approaching this ideal? Not a hope in hell.

But what is the end result of this body fascism? People, especially women, then feel that they need to have these operations for real! They think they need to nip, tuck, chop, vacuum and enlarge various parts of their anatomy, just to look normal, as if there even was such a thing. There are endless programmes on TV that take a person who does not feel good about themselves and feels that they are so ugly they must need drastic surgery to look even halfway decent, tells them that "you are so right! You do need surgery!" then subjects them to all manner of unnecessary procedures on camera to then turn out the homogenised "look how good you look now, and all you needed was life endangering surgery!" beautiful person. The person is so grateful to have been humiliated, dissected and made to look like a different person, as though their own original, unique, characteristics had no value. These programmes, of which there are so many, simply reinforce to others who also are feeling bad about themselves that for them also, surgery is the only answer.

See http://westwardbound.wordpress.com/2007/10/05/the-necessary-adjustments-mommy-makeovers/ for a brilliant article on this. She discusses the emphasis now being placed on mothers specifically, to "sort out" post baby bellies, saggy boobs and wobbly thighs. Like being mother to a little one doesn't give you enough insecurities as it is! Hey whats wrong with the 9 months on 9months off concept, rest, healthy eating, exercise, and most importantly, self acceptance. I too

" want to live in a society where women are not embarrassed by the way their bodies change over time, as they live their lives. Furthermore, I want the lower breasts, pad of belly fat, and thicker thighs that often come with motherhood exalted as the medals of what our bodies have achieved." Beautifully said Westwardbound!

The incidence of body dysmorphic disorder, anorexia and bulimia nervosa seem to me to be symptoms of a society that constantly gives the message that we mere mortals are ugly and imperfect. Our babies, particularly our daughters are picking up these messages from much earlier stages in their lives than ever before, as mothers insecurities are heightened, and the sexualisation of children becomes ever more pervasive, clothing manufacturers selling THONGS to the under fives (I kid you not I have seen this in clothing shops) nine year olds talking about dieting and sixteen year olds thinking that they need a boob job. Its depressing, because this steals their joy in life, robs these developing souls of their self esteem and denies them the ability to acknowledge their innate beauty that needs nothing more than self acceptance and for inner confidence to be nurtured and grown.

The other aspect of our lives which is under constant attack is aging. While in many cultures the older woman is seen as the embodiment of beauty, wisdom and experience, aging in the western world is seen as a curse. The elderly are seen as invisible and inconveniant. We are told that employers are ageist (this is true to a large extent) and actresses over forty are considered past there sell by date and rarely feature in leading roles, while the same is not true of the leading man. Eternal youth is the ideal, yet when I was younger, I was being told by the media messages around me that I was just as ugly as I am expected to believe that I am now, now that I have a few more grey hairs and wrinkles. Now, I feel that if I wasn't, by the standard of the media, beautiful when I was was young, slim and fresh faced and I still am not "acceptable" now, that I am never going to be, that the bar is always just out of reach, no matter how old we are, no matter how we look, no matter how we are perceived. The key is how we feel, and the truth is that the media and advertisers actually want us to feel bad about our selves! Because that is when we spend our money! We buy anti-aging creams, padded bras and knickers with added support, hair dye, teeth whitener, plastic surgery, make up by the ton, diet pills, the latest magazine that promises to "Make you look younger, slimmer, better, sexier etc in just 1 week". We buy into the fantasy that we can get stuff to "fix" the fact that we feel we are not good enough the way we are.

I remember when I was 17 and I started working in a administrative and sales environment, I felt I had to wear make up every day in order to look professional. It was my mask. Every day I would wear moisturiser, foundation, concealer, eyeliner, eye shadow, mascara, eyebrow pencil, blusher, lipstick, nail varnish, deodorant, perfume, hair mousse and hair spray all applied for a "natural, not over done effect". The irony of it now is plain for me to see, but in those days I was a walking chemical factory. My mum always wore make up, and I had been wearing makeup from a young age and now I wore even more, to appear well groomed. That was just what women do to look good, right? Gradually I came to wear less "products" and when I started studying complementary health I got a whole new perspective. Many "beauty products" are bad for your physical and emotional health. I stopped wearing make up and my skin got really good. I stopped wearing jewellery and I felt lighter. I felt vulnerable at first and exposed, but self acceptance grew. Nowadays I wear makeup occasionally, although usually no more than a lick of lip gloss and some eyeliner. Makeup isn't my mask anymore, I wear it to augment my features, not to disguise them! This subtle difference in outlook is important.

As I said before many "beauty products" are bad for your health. I try to buy products carefully to avoid toxic products, and many products I avoid all together. As a vegan, you spend your life reading ingredient lists. Its quite an eye opener, especially when you turn your eye to beauty product ingredients. Did you know that hairspray can be used to clean off nail varnish? When you are spraying it around your head, you are breathing in particles of it! The same is true of any spray. Eye make up can contain small amounts of mercury, aluminium, and lead acetate all of which have toxic effects. Putting any substance on the skin is the quickest way to absorb it into the bloodstream, far quicker than even digestion. This is the reason behind the effectiveness of an aromatherapy massage or the reason why many medical treatments, such as hormone medications come in the form of a patch. The list of dangerous chemicals is endless. It has been estimated that the average make up wearing woman is absorbing up to 5Lbs of chemicals from make up annually. See http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/health/womenfamily.html?in_article_id=462997&in_page_id=1799 and http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/main.jhtml?xml=/health/2005/03/18/hmake18.xml&page=1 for more info on these hidden dangers.
I don't use hairsprays, waxes etc anymore and I am careful of the cosmetics I buy, but top of my danger list are deodorants. Have you ever read the ingredients of these products that most of us blithely roll or spray onto our armpits daily? What follows is the list of ingredients of the deodorant I used to use:

"Aqua, Aluminum Zirconium, Tetrachlorohydrex Gly, Glyceryl Stearate,Laureth 23, Magnesium Aluminum Silicate, Polysorbate 20, Behentrimonium, Methosulfate, Laureth 4, Cetearyl Alcohol, Lauric Acid, EDTA, Parfum, Amyl Cinnamal, Benzyl Cinnamate, Citronellol, Coumarin, Alpha Isomethyl Ionone, Geraniol, Limonene, Linalool."

Compare that to the deodorant I use now (Optima Iceguard Natural Crystal Deodorant):

"Natural Mineral Salts, Ammonium Alum"

When I got pregnant, although I rarely wore make up I decided to examine what products I was using, bearing in mind that what ever was in my blood stream was also in babies (Little Wriggler as she was then known) That led to a large bathroom clear out. (No wonder cancers are now so prevalent) What I considered later was had I still been using said same former deodorant, the chemicals being absorbed into my underarm area would also be making their way through the placenta and also into my breast milk. Now I don't know about you but I find both prospects frightening. Even more horrifying is that many mainstream baby products use these worrying chemicals too! This website gives some good recommendations for less toxic beauty products http://www.thegreenguide.com/doc/94/goodbadugly and mothers will be able find many organic and natural baby products to buy. By buying products that require less manufacturing of chemicals, there is also a beneficial impact on the environment. In the case of natural crystal deodorants like the one I use, there is also less packaging, as it can last up to a year!

The thing that gets me the most about the Beauty Machine though, aside from the psychological damage, toxic products, and environmental damage is that it is all so external. No matter how we look, we are beautiful and valid and should be able to view ourselves lovingly. The messages are so deceptive, they tell us "to be worthy and appreciated you must look good" instead of saying "to feel good you need to appreciate yourself". All the pressure, products or fashion in the world won't change the person that I am essentially. I, like everyone else, am a spiritual person living in a physical experience. When I die, I won't be thinking "I wish I'd got my boobs done and spent more time on my hair". Life is for living, not striving for acceptance to an unrealistic "club of the beautiful people". It seems to me that the beautiful people are nonexistent, fake, or neurotic, and living in fear of the day their facade falls off! Dying to be one of the beautiful? I say forget it and accept your beauty instead. So I have a cold sore and a bad hair day. Who gives a damn. ;o)

P.S Just wanted to add a little extra. I have just been reading the feeds I subscribed to and found an article by the wonderful Half Pint Pixie, which is on a similiar theme and points out the pure hypocrisy and psychological exploitation of one well known brand. Here's the link http://halfpintpixie.wordpress.com/2007/10/05/dove-part-of-the-problem/