The Art Of Communication & Listening

I have a sweet little story to tell on the art of communication and perhaps more importantly, listening. I will also warn you that there will be a small but controlled bout of maternal bragging, but I'll try to keep it short. Shortish. Now if you have read previous posts you may be aware that I am a highly enthusiastic promoter of baby signing. This is a method of developing language and communication skills with your baby, before they have the ability to talk. Babies brain development shows that babies have the ability cognitively to understand communication and language at a far earlier stage than the stage at which babies vocal chords are sufficiently developed to allow speech. What you have in between those two stages is frustration and tears for both parent and child. Much of the tantrums of the toddler stage has been attributed to this inability to express themselves and be understood in a way that matches the child's cognitive capabilities. Baby signing bridges that gap, giving the child tools to both understand and express. Many babies will develop their own signs spontaneously, usually around the time they start pointing at things and waving hello and goodbye. There a number of methods and classes available in the UK and it is an approach that is growing in popularity in other countries too. Here in the UK most classes use either Makaton which is based on BSL (British Sign Language) but adapted for children with special needs and which also incorporates the use of signs. UK readers who are parents may be familiar with the children's programme Something Special which uses Makaton.(http://www.bbc.co.uk/cbeebies/somethingspecial/signs/) Other classes use signs that are strictly BSL based. On the whole there are variation between signs even within BSL, and some signs you may come across are adapted for easier use by babies. Still generally speaking you can get by with a combination. If you can't find a BSL sign for something but you can get a Makaton sign instead, then why not.

I have been using baby signs with Jasmine since she was 4 months old. At times I thought there seemed like little point in continuing, but once she started with her first few signs, it became like an avalanche of new words. Jasmine often sees something interesting and will turn to me or Daddy to see if we can give her a sign for it. That period of time where nothing at all seems to be happening is most likely when the biggest discoveries in your child's learning of language is taking place. Baby is learning that things have names, people have names and feelings have names etc, and that those names or words have a consistent relationship with the thing they represent. Using words can help you get what you want or need. Signs and words can have a relationship that is consistent. You may think your baby is contemplating their toes and pondering their next filled nappy, but they are actually working out some major stuff! Because Baby signing is both physical/visual and a language skill, it combines right brain and left brain activity and boosts development as a result!

So far, with her 1st birthday a mere 4 days away Jasmine knows and uses signs for the following: All Gone; Bed (Not one she uses very often, strangely); Bird; Bite (as in don't bite Mummy); Brush Teeth; Clap (usually this means I am so clever); Clean; Clean or Wash Face; Daddy (far too over used IMO); Dance (Jasmine is a funky groover); Dog; Don't Touch; Eat / Food; Fan /Fan Me (Sounds decadent but Jasmine made this one up herself when I took a fan out with us for use on the bus in hot weather); Flower; Get Up; Good; Hello / Goodbye; Hurt / Pain; Light / Sun (Baby is obsessed with light fittings. Perhaps she will be an interior designer); Look/See; Milk (2nd most used sign after Daddy); More (often used with milk); Mummy (for when the Milk sign hasn't had the desired effect with Daddy); Music (Jasmine really loves music and asks us to put the radio on in the morning); Nappy (very useful); Phone (used right before she cuts me off mid conversation); Pig (Used to entice Daddy to chase her around the living room making piggy noises); Play/Toy; Rain; Sand; Sleep/Go to Sleep; Stand; Stop; Toilet; Walk; Where (a favourite for peekaboo and hide the toy games); You. In addition Jasmine understands about double the number of signs she actually uses. Jasmine can speak two words, Mumum and Dada. Imagine, she can express and understand such a wide variety of things, but had she not had access to this wonderful tool, she would be restricted to just Mumum and Dada. I believe that although Jasmine is incredibly special to me, her signing abilities are not, she is simply doing what the majority of babies are capable of. You can see why little ones get so frustrated and angry.

So to the cute story My DSLP gets up with Jasmine before he goes to work so that I can catch up from the night time waking and he can get a bit of quality time with her. Now wonderful man that he is, and perhaps this is just my experience, he is a man. Which means that generally he doesn't listen. I find this quality irritating. Its a combination of zoning out and being unable to multi-task, ie watch the news and listen at the same time. Its a focus thing I think. Anyway Jasmine had eaten breakfast and DSLP had just changed her nappy when he decided to clear up her tray in the kitchen which adjoins the living room while she played with her toys. A little while later he noticed she had taken her nappy off and was crawling about in her birthday suit. He said OK then you have your naked run around I'll be back in in a minute. Very shortly after he brings her into the bedroom to clean her and put on a nappy. "You'll never guess what happened" he said. The nappy Jas had taken off had been a pooey nappy and she had then crawled about making a glorious mess, so he wanted me to hold her while he cleaned up. I said "That's very unlike Jas, she usually tells me when she needs her nappy changing" . He looking a bit embarrassed said, well she did do the nappy sign, but I had just changed her so I thought it couldn't be, so I decided I'd check a bit later" I how I laughed! "I told you that you never listen. I hope you have learned your lesson" To be honest it made me feel quite proud. Jasmine being the smart (bilingual), independent young lady that she is had decided that if she wasn't going to be listened to or understood, then she wasn't going to wait on any man, not even Daddy, to do something for her that she could do for herself! That's my girl, start as you mean to go on!

Dying To Be Beautiful

I'm having a bit of an "ugly day" today. My hair won't go right, I have a cold sore and my eyes are those of a woman whose little angel woke her up one time too many the night before. So we have had a stay at home day today, for me to rest and recharge the batteries and hopefully tomorrow when I wake up I'll feel more like my usual self. We are constantly bombarded with unachievable, unrealistic images of "beauty" that when you have an off day its hard not to feel like a cross between a yeti and elephant man, and that perhaps you should be wearing a paper bag over your head to protect the rest of the world from your hideousness!

Just how unattainable these visions of beauty, that smile down at us benignly from bill board adverts, shop windows, newspapers, magazines, television programmes, cinema screens and just about every type of media you can think of are, was brought home to me by a website I came across on Stumble Upon : http://www.digitalphotoshopretouching.com/retouching.htm
It shows pictures of women who are absolutely gorgeous who are then, using the magic powers of photographic trickery, "improved". The truth is that no-one looks like the men and women who are chosen to represent what is considered to be the apex of beauty, not even those said same models! Need a chin-remodel, rhinoplasty, eyebrow lift, wrinkle removal, etc, etc, etc? You got it. A click of a mouse button here, a blend there and hey presto, now they look good! So if these naturally beautiful, leggy, lithe, never had a stretch mark, spot or bar of chocolate, paragons of beauty are additionally "improved", what hope do the rest of us have of approaching this ideal? Not a hope in hell.

But what is the end result of this body fascism? People, especially women, then feel that they need to have these operations for real! They think they need to nip, tuck, chop, vacuum and enlarge various parts of their anatomy, just to look normal, as if there even was such a thing. There are endless programmes on TV that take a person who does not feel good about themselves and feels that they are so ugly they must need drastic surgery to look even halfway decent, tells them that "you are so right! You do need surgery!" then subjects them to all manner of unnecessary procedures on camera to then turn out the homogenised "look how good you look now, and all you needed was life endangering surgery!" beautiful person. The person is so grateful to have been humiliated, dissected and made to look like a different person, as though their own original, unique, characteristics had no value. These programmes, of which there are so many, simply reinforce to others who also are feeling bad about themselves that for them also, surgery is the only answer.

See http://westwardbound.wordpress.com/2007/10/05/the-necessary-adjustments-mommy-makeovers/ for a brilliant article on this. She discusses the emphasis now being placed on mothers specifically, to "sort out" post baby bellies, saggy boobs and wobbly thighs. Like being mother to a little one doesn't give you enough insecurities as it is! Hey whats wrong with the 9 months on 9months off concept, rest, healthy eating, exercise, and most importantly, self acceptance. I too

" want to live in a society where women are not embarrassed by the way their bodies change over time, as they live their lives. Furthermore, I want the lower breasts, pad of belly fat, and thicker thighs that often come with motherhood exalted as the medals of what our bodies have achieved." Beautifully said Westwardbound!

The incidence of body dysmorphic disorder, anorexia and bulimia nervosa seem to me to be symptoms of a society that constantly gives the message that we mere mortals are ugly and imperfect. Our babies, particularly our daughters are picking up these messages from much earlier stages in their lives than ever before, as mothers insecurities are heightened, and the sexualisation of children becomes ever more pervasive, clothing manufacturers selling THONGS to the under fives (I kid you not I have seen this in clothing shops) nine year olds talking about dieting and sixteen year olds thinking that they need a boob job. Its depressing, because this steals their joy in life, robs these developing souls of their self esteem and denies them the ability to acknowledge their innate beauty that needs nothing more than self acceptance and for inner confidence to be nurtured and grown.

The other aspect of our lives which is under constant attack is aging. While in many cultures the older woman is seen as the embodiment of beauty, wisdom and experience, aging in the western world is seen as a curse. The elderly are seen as invisible and inconveniant. We are told that employers are ageist (this is true to a large extent) and actresses over forty are considered past there sell by date and rarely feature in leading roles, while the same is not true of the leading man. Eternal youth is the ideal, yet when I was younger, I was being told by the media messages around me that I was just as ugly as I am expected to believe that I am now, now that I have a few more grey hairs and wrinkles. Now, I feel that if I wasn't, by the standard of the media, beautiful when I was was young, slim and fresh faced and I still am not "acceptable" now, that I am never going to be, that the bar is always just out of reach, no matter how old we are, no matter how we look, no matter how we are perceived. The key is how we feel, and the truth is that the media and advertisers actually want us to feel bad about our selves! Because that is when we spend our money! We buy anti-aging creams, padded bras and knickers with added support, hair dye, teeth whitener, plastic surgery, make up by the ton, diet pills, the latest magazine that promises to "Make you look younger, slimmer, better, sexier etc in just 1 week". We buy into the fantasy that we can get stuff to "fix" the fact that we feel we are not good enough the way we are.

I remember when I was 17 and I started working in a administrative and sales environment, I felt I had to wear make up every day in order to look professional. It was my mask. Every day I would wear moisturiser, foundation, concealer, eyeliner, eye shadow, mascara, eyebrow pencil, blusher, lipstick, nail varnish, deodorant, perfume, hair mousse and hair spray all applied for a "natural, not over done effect". The irony of it now is plain for me to see, but in those days I was a walking chemical factory. My mum always wore make up, and I had been wearing makeup from a young age and now I wore even more, to appear well groomed. That was just what women do to look good, right? Gradually I came to wear less "products" and when I started studying complementary health I got a whole new perspective. Many "beauty products" are bad for your physical and emotional health. I stopped wearing make up and my skin got really good. I stopped wearing jewellery and I felt lighter. I felt vulnerable at first and exposed, but self acceptance grew. Nowadays I wear makeup occasionally, although usually no more than a lick of lip gloss and some eyeliner. Makeup isn't my mask anymore, I wear it to augment my features, not to disguise them! This subtle difference in outlook is important.

As I said before many "beauty products" are bad for your health. I try to buy products carefully to avoid toxic products, and many products I avoid all together. As a vegan, you spend your life reading ingredient lists. Its quite an eye opener, especially when you turn your eye to beauty product ingredients. Did you know that hairspray can be used to clean off nail varnish? When you are spraying it around your head, you are breathing in particles of it! The same is true of any spray. Eye make up can contain small amounts of mercury, aluminium, and lead acetate all of which have toxic effects. Putting any substance on the skin is the quickest way to absorb it into the bloodstream, far quicker than even digestion. This is the reason behind the effectiveness of an aromatherapy massage or the reason why many medical treatments, such as hormone medications come in the form of a patch. The list of dangerous chemicals is endless. It has been estimated that the average make up wearing woman is absorbing up to 5Lbs of chemicals from make up annually. See http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/health/womenfamily.html?in_article_id=462997&in_page_id=1799 and http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/main.jhtml?xml=/health/2005/03/18/hmake18.xml&page=1 for more info on these hidden dangers.
I don't use hairsprays, waxes etc anymore and I am careful of the cosmetics I buy, but top of my danger list are deodorants. Have you ever read the ingredients of these products that most of us blithely roll or spray onto our armpits daily? What follows is the list of ingredients of the deodorant I used to use:

"Aqua, Aluminum Zirconium, Tetrachlorohydrex Gly, Glyceryl Stearate,Laureth 23, Magnesium Aluminum Silicate, Polysorbate 20, Behentrimonium, Methosulfate, Laureth 4, Cetearyl Alcohol, Lauric Acid, EDTA, Parfum, Amyl Cinnamal, Benzyl Cinnamate, Citronellol, Coumarin, Alpha Isomethyl Ionone, Geraniol, Limonene, Linalool."

Compare that to the deodorant I use now (Optima Iceguard Natural Crystal Deodorant):

"Natural Mineral Salts, Ammonium Alum"

When I got pregnant, although I rarely wore make up I decided to examine what products I was using, bearing in mind that what ever was in my blood stream was also in babies (Little Wriggler as she was then known) That led to a large bathroom clear out. (No wonder cancers are now so prevalent) What I considered later was had I still been using said same former deodorant, the chemicals being absorbed into my underarm area would also be making their way through the placenta and also into my breast milk. Now I don't know about you but I find both prospects frightening. Even more horrifying is that many mainstream baby products use these worrying chemicals too! This website gives some good recommendations for less toxic beauty products http://www.thegreenguide.com/doc/94/goodbadugly and mothers will be able find many organic and natural baby products to buy. By buying products that require less manufacturing of chemicals, there is also a beneficial impact on the environment. In the case of natural crystal deodorants like the one I use, there is also less packaging, as it can last up to a year!

The thing that gets me the most about the Beauty Machine though, aside from the psychological damage, toxic products, and environmental damage is that it is all so external. No matter how we look, we are beautiful and valid and should be able to view ourselves lovingly. The messages are so deceptive, they tell us "to be worthy and appreciated you must look good" instead of saying "to feel good you need to appreciate yourself". All the pressure, products or fashion in the world won't change the person that I am essentially. I, like everyone else, am a spiritual person living in a physical experience. When I die, I won't be thinking "I wish I'd got my boobs done and spent more time on my hair". Life is for living, not striving for acceptance to an unrealistic "club of the beautiful people". It seems to me that the beautiful people are nonexistent, fake, or neurotic, and living in fear of the day their facade falls off! Dying to be one of the beautiful? I say forget it and accept your beauty instead. So I have a cold sore and a bad hair day. Who gives a damn. ;o)

P.S Just wanted to add a little extra. I have just been reading the feeds I subscribed to and found an article by the wonderful Half Pint Pixie, which is on a similiar theme and points out the pure hypocrisy and psychological exploitation of one well known brand. Here's the link http://halfpintpixie.wordpress.com/2007/10/05/dove-part-of-the-problem/

First Steps!!

I just had to share my joy. On the 3rd of October, exactly 1 week before her first birthday, Jasmine decided to take her first steps! Her show stopping performance brought tears to my eyes, tears to her Daddy's eyes and it made my friend who was on the phone with me at the time well up too. That girl will do anything to get my attention when I am on the phone! :0) I'm so happy just thinking about it!

The Not So Daily Blog, "Melanie's Daily Blurb"

It seemed such a simple and appropriate name for my new blog. I thought it was cute and catchy too. I was full of hope, enthusiastic and naive. How was I to know it would turn round and bite me on the behind?

First I discover that the word blurb does not mean what I thought it did. I quote http://uk.encarta.msn.com/dictionary_1861690955/blurb.html

blurb

blurb [ blurb ] (plural blurbs)
noun
Definition:

paragraph promoting product: a short piece of writing that praises and promotes something, especially a paragraph on the cover of a book
[Early 20th century. Coined by Gelett Burgess (1866-1951), US humorist]
blurb transitive verb

A paragraph? !!! I don't do short, I do long winded, wordy, rambling and sometimes ranting posts. I do not do blurbs. I thought that blurb meant long winded, wordy and rambling. I thought that was what blurbing was.

The other point of contention. Daily..........Now I do actually know what daily means. I have no excuse on that score. It's just that daily blogging when you have a very nearly 1 year old demanding your constant attention morning noon and night is easier said than done. Also you may have noticed, I don't do short. I can take a couple of days to write a post, depending on the needs of my lil baby, my DSLP (Dear, Sweet Life Partner) and me. Yes I have a need for me time too! I did intend to post daily. It's definitely my ultimate goal, but I just haven't found my posting rhythm, and I'm beginning to suspect that that rhythm wont be daily, for now at least.

The problem is that once you have chosen the name for your blog, there it is. For posterity, and no turning back. I would change it to "Melanie's Not Quite Daily But Almost Regular And Quite Frequent Rambling Long Winded Babbling" Catchy, don't you think?

So I apologise to any readers who have not quite found what they expected to from the description. I'm working on it though :o)

Oh and before I forget, can anyone explain to me what a meme is?

15 Easy Ways To Improve Your Health & Be Happier

I imagine that the idea of being able to incorporate 15 simple changes to your lifestyle that will very quickly make you feel healthier and happier sounds like an unrealistic claim. Believe me when I tell you that it really is that simple! Taking care of yourself should be fundamental, but with busy demanding lives, often we can easily overlook certain aspects of our physical, mental and emotional health. What follows is a list of recommendations that you can follow to revitalise yourself in every way, giving you more energy and a more positive outlook. This list is not exhaustive, there are many, many other things you can also do to improve your quality of life, but these are things that are easily achievable and require no special equipment and won't take a great deal of time to do. Most of the recommendations here simply require you to make alternative and informed choices. It is simply a matter of taking care of yourself. Taking care of yourself equates to loving yourself, and as we all know, you can't love others until you love yourself!

• Drink Well & Wisely. Drink enough water! Water is essential to good health and a general daily recommendation for the daily amount a person needs to drink is 1.5 litres. That might seem like a lot, but that is the equivalent of eight glasses in a 24 hour period. The human body is, in a healthy adult, approximately 75% water. Water is necessary for all for all biological and chemical changes, elimination and cell renewal. The effects of mild dehydration can lead to lowered immunity, illness, headaches, constipation, bad skin and feeling sluggish, which over a long period of time can radically deplete your energy levels. Severe dehydration is how you feel when you are hung over and too much severe dehydration can lead to serious problems. It is a good idea to cut out or at least cut down on alcohol, because as I have just indicated, alcohol dehydrates you, which is why after drinking you feel that way! Now it is known that the occasional glass of red wine can contain anti-oxidants and that stout contains iron etc, so if you decide not to abstain, please remember to have two glasses of water for every glass of alcohol you drink! Tea and coffee are the morning pick me up of choice for most people, but are addictive and because they are stimulants, give you a little energy high that is followed by an energy low, that requires another cup to recover from! Tea and coffee are also diuretic (which means they make you urinate more) so can actually increase your need for fluids. They have also been linked to migraines. Why not try alternatives such as herbal teas or fruit juice (fresh and unsweetened). It is important not to indulge in fizzy drinks for three reasons, the sugar and/or caffeine content leads to the energy high.....energy slump pattern, carbonated drinks play havoc with the digestive system and actually leach calcium from the bones (women especially are often warned of the dangers of osteoporosis but rarely is this mentioned) and the acidity is very damaging to teeth enamel. Drinking enough and choosing what to drink is as important as choosing what to eat. Often thirst is interpreted as hunger by the body. You may find that as you increase your fluid intake, you become more aware of the symptoms of thirst.


• Eat Healthily & Regularly Throughout The Day. So what does eating healthy really mean? The fundamental requirements from the diet are carbohydrates, fats and proteins. Now if you have read my personal information you will be aware that I am a vegan, and I do advocate vegetable proteins as the most easily digestible and healthy source of protein. The aim of this article is not to convert though. Suffice to say it is common knowledge that the conventional western diet is too rich in proteins and that this causes many health problems. For more info I recommend you take a look at this site http://www.nwhealth.edu/healthyU/eatWell/protein_1.html The best way to view a healthy diet is not (in most cases) to change how much food you eat but what type of food. I will come back to the subject of healthy carbs and fats as opposed to unhealthy carbs and fats in a moment. The issue that diversely affects most people is a lack of fibre. The UK government has spent a lot of money promoting the concept of "5 a day" Eating lots of fresh fruit and vegetables is key. By insuring a daily supply, you will increase the amount of fibre in your diet, improving your digestion and the elimination of waste from your body, making the absorption of nutrients more effective. By being able to receive more of the goodness from the food you eat, you can reap huge benefits. In addition to fibre, fruit and vegetables contain valuable and essential vitamins, minerals, anti-oxidants and phyto-nutrients such as bioflavonoids and essential fatty acids. Some have even been claimed as "super foods" because of their host of beneficial nutrients. By making your plate as colourful as possible, you increase the range of nutritional benefits e.g.....orange carrots and pumpkin, green broccoli or spinach, red peppers and tomatoes, purple cabbage or beetroot yellow sweetcorn and bananas and make it more appealing. Get as creative as you can! Switch to wholefoods. For example instead of white bread, eat wholemeal brown bread, instead of white rice eat brown rice or try buckwheat or quinoa, try wholewheat pasta for a change. This is easy to do and results in better fibre, nutrient intake and a lower GI. GI stands for Glycaemic Index and is the measurement of how quickly a food raises your blood sugar level. Carbohydrates are our main source of energy and sugars and "starchy" foods fall under this category. In simplistic terms there are simple carbs and complex carbs. Simple carbs are usually sugars, such as sucrose, glucose, fructose etc. These are digested and converted to energy very quickly. Many parents will be aware of the infamous "sugar rush" and its affects on their little darlings! Complex carbs are digested more slowly and the energy gain is more consistent. Many people hit that mid afternoon energy slump and have a quick bar of chocolate or sweet to compensate, only to feel a greater energy slump sometime later. A baked potato or pasta salad would boost energy far more effectively and for longer! Some foods provide both fast (simple) and slow (complex) release carbohydrates, so for an instant pick me up try a banana! By understanding how different types of food nourish you it is easier to make choices that are suitable for your health and lifestyle. The subject that seems to cause the most confusion is the differentiation between healthy and unhealthy fats! People dieting are encouraged to go on a fat free or low fat diet, but fat is not actually bad for you, in fact it is essential to good health. What needs to be considered is the form of fat you eat. Saturated fats are usually fats that come from animal sources and lead to the production of cholesterol. Healthy fats are poly-unsaturated and mono-unsaturated fats are found in primarily nuts, seeds and some fruits (sunflower seeds, walnuts, avocados and olives being very good sources of healthy fat) and some can actually lower cholesterol. The important thing to remember is that any oil can be bad for you when highly heated, as this destroys nutrient content and increases the action of free radicals in the body, so chips aren't a good way to get your fat quota, but pasta drizzled in an olive oil based dressing or an avocado with houmous will do wonders! Essential fatty acids (omega 3,6 and 9) are very good for you and partially hydrogenated, hydrogenated oils or trans fats should be avoided at all costs. Look at http://www.bbc.co.uk/food/food_matters/transfats.shtml for more info. Salt is also something to be aware of in your diet. Too much salt is addictive and it kills. Food manufacturers include it in our foods because it tastes nice (encouraging the addiction and ensuring we buy more of the product) and preserves food for longer. Salt has been linked to high blood pressure, strokes and heart disease, osteoporosis as it depletes calcium, kidney stones and other urinary system problems, diabetes, cataracts and stomach cancer. If you are a salt addict try and wean yourself off. Your health could depend on it! There are so many "hidden salts" in food that it is best to avoid using salt when cooking and never add salt at the table. Although trace amounts of salts are required by the body, vegetables naturally contain adequate amounts of mineral salts for health. The long and short of it is that highly processed and refined foods, convenience foods and those containing high levels of additives, preservatives colourings and so on are best avoided as they are usually the highest in saturated and trans fats, salt and sugar and the lowest in fibre and nutrient content! Experiment with organic foods and see if you notice a difference in your vitality! This recommendation is not intended to give you hard and fast rules to follow, but to give you information that can guide you to make the best choices and to moderate your intake of foods that dont really nourish you. Indulge when you want to and don't feel bad, but bear in mind what good food really means and ensure you get more good food generally.
  
• Exercise. People groan at the mention of exercise, but being active doesn't require you over exert yourself and doesn't have to be boring! Good for you if you want to be a gym bunny and go to exercise classes 5 times a week, but that isn't for everyone! Dance round your living room like a maniac shaking your booty and singing at the top of your voice, walk up and down the stairs instead of taking the lift, go for a brisk walk with the dog, clean out the shed or tidy the garden. Be imaginative and do whatever you feel able to. All you need to do is increase your heart rate for 10-20 Min's a day and you will begin to feel the benefit. If you're feeling stiff, stretch! (stretch anyway before any form of exercise to avoid strains!) Try Yoga or Pilate's or dance classes, make it fun and build your tolerance gradually. You'll feel more energetic, flexible, your circulation will improve, as will your digestion, skin and stamina. As your muscle tone improves it is likely that your posture will too, so no (or less) back pain and more confidence. Your hair will be shinier and your skin will glow. Also remember, if you don't use it you lose it!
  
• Get some sleep! Now this one can be easier said than done. Sleep is vital because it is during sleep that our body cells regenerate. There is also considerable evidence to show that the mind is active during the different stages of sleep and that each stage is essential to mental and emotional health. My belief is that the dream state also is very important for our spiritual health. If you're eating three meals a day, try not to eat your last meal too late, as this can interfere with your sleep pattern. As I have stated above, exercising can help you sleep by releasing excess energy and tension. Have a wind down period before you go to bed, such as reading or a relaxing bath. Avoiding stimulants such as tea coffee and sugar is wise too. Other reasons why people find it hard to sleep are harder to pin down. Often during the day we have so many distractions, we don't really process the things that are on our minds until we get into bed and turn off the light. If this is you, try and make some quiet time to think things through earlier in the day or talk things through with someone you trust. You could try having a notebook by the bed and writing down any persistent thoughts with a promise to yourself to examine them in the morning! Aromatherapy can be very helpful for insomnia. You can try placing a single drop of lavender on your pillow. For more specific help or advice on applying oils contact an aromatherapist for qualified advice! Herbal remedies such as Valerian can also be useful, but I would caution that a person who is pregnant or breastfeeding, has a physical ailment or condition or who is taking medication get advice from a qualified practitioner and / or doctor before using essential oils and herbal or other remedies.
  
• Relax. Relaxation is vital to good health. During each day in response to various stimuli, our adrenal glands release adrenalin which creates a heightened state of responsiveness and our muscles tense in readiness for physical action. Blood flow is diverted away from "non essential organs" i.e. digestive or other organs and sent to the muscles.(non essential in terms of making an escape or fighting your way out of trouble that is) It's called the flight or fight response or "stress". Now in the distant past, this suited our ancestors very well, when facing real physical danger. Nowadays though, our bodies can be pumping with adrenalin at the thought of a particular stressful work meeting or when contemplating the monthly bills. Often the situations that illicit this reaction are far from physical. Now let me point out that stress is good for us. Without a burst of adrenalin here and there, there would be no excitement, no thrill, there would be no competitiveness or desire, but continuous low level stress is not good and is extremely draining, lower our immunity to disease and depleting our energy. So what do you do about it? You need to learn to relax. Relaxation means different things to different people. Some people relax by reading or listening to music, baking cakes, painting a picture or drawing or spending time in nature. Think about whatever may have been bothering you. Is it really a life or death situation? Is it something you can do anything about? If yes do it, if no, stop worrying. Try to put it in to perspective. Make it less of a focus. Do whatever it takes to bring your stress levels down emotionally and mentally and also make time to relax physically. For all you restless folk out there that means doing nothing much. Try lounging, putting your feet up, having a long soak in the bath, or meditating. Try and become aware of your body, starting with the tips of your toes and working your way up feel and sense how each part of your body feels. Do you have aches and pains, muscle tension or stiffness? Place your awareness there and stretch. Ease the stiffness. Relax the muscle. Spend some time (everyday if you can, even if its only for ten minutes) trying to relax. You will feel happier and you will be healthier. As your body relaxes, the muscle tension will release and your blood supply will be servicing all your vital organs, the adrenalin levels in you body will normalise as you come off of red alert!
  
• Step Away From The Computer And Turn Off The Telly. (After you've read this of course) This may not seem so obvious but hours spent watching TV and using a computer or playing video games are leading factors in a sedentary lifestyle. I like this web page on the topic http://www.medialit.org/reading_room/article393.html. Long periods of inactivity in a slumped position in front of a VDU don't amount to a fulfilling lifestyle and can give rise to back problems, eye strain, headaches and physical lethargy. Yes watch some telly, yes read my blog, but try to limit it! Its good to do other things. Phone a friend, talk to the people you live with, (now there is a novelty for some folk!) play with your kids, or GO OUTSIDE and view some real life or connect with some people who aren't on line! You never know, it might be fun! My point is that all things should be in moderation, including TV and computer use. You could also tackle my next recommendation with the time you are able to free up!


• Clear your clutter. Ever heard the saying as within so without? It means that your external environment is a reflection of your internal environment, or to put it another way, messy home, messy mind. If your home is blocked up your body probably is too. Often we hold on to things not because we desire them but because we have forgotten the liberation of letting go. Get rid of the junk. Clear your wardrobe of anything you don't feel happy in, doesn't fit you, and unless you do it now, anything that is waiting for a repair. If you haven't worn it for over a year, what are you keeping it for? If you have clothes that are too small, you may be thinking that they are an incentive to lose weight, but they are more likely to be a reminder of not being happy with who you are right now. Love yourself and only keep what looks good now. Are you holding on to unwanted gifts? Well if you don't like them, get rid of them. Are they not yours to do with as you please or were they given conditionally? If so, isn't that a sign that they were not really given freely at all? If they are not to your taste give them to a charity shop or ensure they go to a good home. Your home should reflect your taste and contain the things that you love! Have you got drawers full of things that might come in handy one day? Or worse still, might come in handy for somebody else one day, you just never know? Let go. If you can trust that the universe will provide what you need when you need it, you will cease to need this kind of security blanket. By making space you make room for the new and the wonderful to enter your life, so don't just take my word for it, give it a go! It feels great and it will get you being active, and feeling energised, and in the process you may be amazed at the events that get triggered off in your life as a result!
  
• Breathe Well. Breathing is fundamental to life. When we stop breathing, we die. Unless you are into meditation or complementary health it may be that you haven't taken time to consider the quality of your breathing. When we take breath into our bodies it enters our nose and sinuses where it is filtered and our brains are sent valuable information from the scents we breathe in, travels to our lungs where it enters our blood stream via the alveoli and then using our circulatory system travels to every cell in our body to nourish with fresh oxygen. The air that is breathed out has taken the reverse journey and carries with it the waste products of cell respiration, carbon-dioxide. So getting good quality air has a huge impact on health. How do you breathe? Its a question that many of us rarely ask ourselves. Do you take quick shallow breaths? Long drawn out breaths? Do you breath from your chest or from your diaphragm? What is the best way? Well shallow breaths tend to mean you are not getting enough air and that you may be stressed. Try breathing like a cat or a baby. If you watch them their chest doesn't move up and down as they breathe, their bellies do. This is relaxed breathing. So many of us are tense, breathing from our upper chest holding our stomachs in without even being aware of it. Relax and take in breaths and allow the air to expand your diaphragm (as though you were breathing into your stomach) and just take it nice and easy. You don't have to hold the breathes or make them especially slow, just try and be aware of any tension and calm your breathing down a little if you notice you are stressed. Relax. As you take better quality breaths, the air you breath will oxygenate your body more effectively and energise you. If you are able to, get regular fresh air. Sea air is probably the best you can get. If you live in a city try and go to your local park. The trees and plants filter pollutants out of the air, so it will be of a better quality even in a busy metropolitan area. If you pollute your own air with chemical sprays, try to find more natural alternatives, and if you are a smoker, well I won't go into the lecture here, I'll save that for another post, you know what you've got to do. You can do all of the other 14 reccomendations and it still wont make that much of an impact on your health if you smoke. So get real with yourself and quit. Its not as difficult as you might think. I should know! (Ex smoker 11 yrs, giving up still the best thing I have ever done for my health)
  
• Stop Procrastinating. Procrastination holds you back. So many of us are walking around with this mental "things to do list" in our heads, taunting and mocking us, making us feel bad with "shoulds" and "have to's" and accusing us with "you haven't got round to dealing with me yet!" This personal guilt trip may be added to by loved ones friends or colleagues reminding us "you said you were going to (fill in the blanks) 6 months ago and you still haven't done it". The longer the thing remains in the back of your mind the harder it seems to become to actually achieve. It stops us doing other things because we think "I can't do (xxxx) because I really should do (xxxxxx) first". Worst of all are the ambitions and dreams that we never make time for, the longer we leave them, the less obtainable they become. What has been nagging you for the longest? Try actually writing these nagging shoulds, have to's and would like to's down. How many of them are still relevant. If you promised you would do something for someone else and didn't do it, do they still need it done, or did they just find another way to get it done? Has not doing stoopped you from having a good relationship with that person? What is the simplest item on the list? Can you do it now? Try and do one thing you have been putting off each day and the list will get gradually smaller. What about the way you have been talking and thinking about these issues? Do you really have to, or was it that you would like to? Is is it really a matter of should or is it a could? words like "have to" and "should" are disempowering and make you feel like a victim, even if the shoulds and have to's are self imposed. Realise when you are doing this and rephrase the task in your mind. try using phrases like I could, I want to, I need to, I can, I intend, in order to free yourself from the victim perspective. It might seem pointless to try to tackle all these things you have been putting off, one item at a time, but it'll free up energy and your list will become nonexistent a lot quicker than deciding you'll do it when time allows for everything to be tackled all at once.(Lets face it that just not going to happen is it?) Try not to put conditions on these things. I can only do (xxxx) once I have done (xxxx), I have to have to (xxxxx) before I can (xxx), I can't do (xxxx) because I havent got (xxxxx). Decide what you can do right now and do it. Once you direct your energy to that end, you'll be surprised how miraculously circumstances conspire to help you get other things done!
  
• Count Your Blessings. We all know at least one positive person. That person is usually a positive person. They walk through life seemingly untouched by the harsh realities of life. Are they merely blessed by the fickle twists and turns of fortune that leave some of us scarred and negative and others blown along on a breeze of good luck and positivity? I believe that people are blessed when they feel blessed. Having gratitude for everything in your life, the good the bad and the ugly and turning every downside into an upside is a skill. Some people have it naturally, but even if you don't, it can be learnt. You can choose to be a glass half empty person or a glass half full person. It is a choice that you make! The more you appreciate the gifts that the universe bestows on you, the more gifts you will be given. Gratitude is a wonderful state of mind. By being grateful and seeing the inherent lessons or gifts in every situation, even when misfortune occurs, we will be able to glean some treasure from it. You might not feel it , but as the saying goes, fake it till you make it! So go on, be ridiculously positive, have a Pollyanna day!
  
• Forgive. For every resentment, slight and hurt that you harbour against a person or people, there is a wound that doesn't heal. You and that person are bound by your holding on to the pain and you will be unable to move forward with your life. Forgiveness isn't actually about the other person, it is more about you making a conscious decision to no longer let a past situation have any sway over your happiness. Letting go and moving on is what forgiveness is about. It doesn't mean that you suddenly become best friends with your adversary. It also doesn't mean that you would let that person put you in the same or a similiar position. It does not even require the other person to show remorse. It simply allows you to free yourself of the pain and resentment and to tell the other person, "I have moved forward. I have learnt from this and it is no longer of consequence to the person that I am now." What if the person you need to forgive is yourself? The same applies. You did what you did, and your frame of reference was that of the person you were then. Who you are now is not who you were then. You can learn from your mistakes and move forward. If you have wronged another, by all means, if it is appropriate, let them know that you are sorry and would not act in the same way now, but don't make their forgiving you a condition of forgiving yourself. Does living in a state of self imposed purgatory benefit the other person in anyway? Does it assuage your personal guilt? Forgiveness is not always easy, and letting go of past hurts can be painful, but if you start small it will get easier and you will feel free of the burden that you had carried. Forgiveness is the way to freedom! For inspiring stories on the subject of forgiveness look at this site http://www.theforgivenessproject.com/stories/anne-gallagher
  
• Be Authentic And Honest With Yourself And Others. Ok this is a toughie. Being honest requires being assertive. Now what exactly am I proposing? That you are brutally honest to the point of hurtfulness? No. What I am suggesting is that you are authentic with how you really feel and communicating that to others. Now this doesn't mean blaming others for how you feel, you will still need to take responsibility for your own feelings. I do mean that it is a good idea to stop agreeing to things that you don't want to agree to. Learning to say no! It means telling people in your life that, for example, perhaps feel a certain way about some issue that you don't agree with them and instead of agreeing with them to keep the peace you state your true opinion. In other words say what you mean and mean what you say, tell people what you do and don't want to do rather then doing things you don't want to do and not doing things that you do want to do. If the people in your life place conditions on their support, affection, friendship or love that are dependant on you behaving how and being who they want you to be and do, then they are not valuing the real you. Do you want people like that in your life? If you live your life to please others, both you and they are living a lie, and although you may be able to please some of the people some of the time, you will never please all of the people all of the time. Often the people we try to please the most are never pleased. Dont enslave yourself to the expectations and conditions of others. Go your own way and free yourself!


• Avoid Hypothesising Negatively And Reject Regret. Or put another way, try to live in the moment. Some people live their whole life in the past. Sometimes out of a sense of nostalgia, as in the grass was greener, the sky was bluer, and everything was rosy. Other times it may be a feeling of being trapped by memories of a traumatic and unhappy time from which they are unable to move on. The problem with either approach is that memory is subjective and the reality of that past time may have been less one-sided than it now seems, was it really so much better? Was it really so much worse? Both ways of living in the past hold you back from appreciating your life now, and sometimes from even living your life now. Better to think of your past positively and recognize the elements of your past that have shaped the person you are now, but don't live there! Enjoy now! Then you have people who spend their life ahead of time. Planning, strategising, dreaming how things will be, what they need to do, what they are going to do, how things will need to be. Most damaging to their own emotional health are the people who spend their life anticipating how such and such a person is going to think about what is going to happen and how that will make them react and what will happen as a result and then who else will probably get involved as a result and how much worse that will make everything and some one is bound to say (xxx) and that will have (xxx) up in arms and the whole thing will turn into a riot, and everyone will say it is my fault etc etc until they have created a picture of an intense reality that they then turn over and over in their minds obsessing on and filled with dread when in reality NONE OF IT HAS ACTUALLY HAPPENED. Now I believe that moment to moment we are creating our own reality. This is not a new idea. How we do this is by what we do, how we feel, what we think, what we say and what we visualise about now and how we do these things in relation to our future. By creating a negative and elaborate hypothetical situation surrounding how we believe the our future will be, as in the example I have given, we are doing all of these things, feeling the dread, imagining the events, acting and feeling as though these things had already taken place, and guess what? What that person has feared and obsessed over is probably exactly what is going to happen. Some people do this because they are scared of dissapointment, so would rather be unhappy than contemplate the possibility of happiness. It becomes their default setting. Now doing the same thing but positively will achieve a similar result. If we imagine a scenario in the way we would like it to be, and we behave as though that event had already taken place, think about it positively and feel happy about, the strength of our vision, feeling and thoughts can bring it about, but no need to take my word for it. Try it for yourself! Remember though that this is a powerful tool that will bring results. I'd recommend that when your hoped for and anticipated future turns up that you enjoy the benefits that it brings, savouring the moment and allowing it to be, instead of jumping straight to the next thing! Enjoy the moment and live it now!
• Recognise the wonder of nature. You are not an isolated being scattered on the planet separate from all other things. You are a component of a much greater whole. You may be the centre of your own universe but you are not the centre of THE universe. You are a piece of this incredible puzzle that is the whole of creation. You exist through the union of others. That is how you were created. You are part of a system that is dependant upon every other part of the the system. The spark that makes you unique and spectacular, the soul that you possess, the part of you that is divine is in union with every other spark from every other entity and life that exists or has ever existed. You are like a snowflake, unique, beautiful and one of many. If the creative force that is within you is the snowflake, contemplate the snow. Nowhere is this creative force and interdependance more evident than in the ecosystems and forces of nature. Every blade of grass, every ant, grain of sand or tree is unique. Every cloud form or ocean wave original and like no other. Take time out to spend time in nature and contemplate your place within the world, and how amazing, unstoppable and abundant creation is. By viewing things from this perspective, how much better will your life feel?
  
• Don't be a victim, take responsibility for your life. Now this might sound like tough love, and it probably is. Your life is what you make it. If you don't like your present circumstances, you need to do something to change it. Whether you make an internal change or an external change, you created what you are living now and can change what happens next. There is no one else to blame and it is no one else's responsibility to make your life better. What do you want? What are you going to do to bring it about? Circumstances good and bad happen to everyone. Awful things happen to good people. Do you give up then? Negative events shape your past but they don't need to define who you are now or who you are going to be. Decide on your direction and take the first step and the next and just keep going to get to where you want to be. If limitations block you, take a detour or re-evaluate your goals, but please don't stop moving. When you allow anything to become an excuse, a deterrent or a block to your happiness, you have allowed yourself to become a victim. Be a survivor, a striver, an achiever and overcome you personal limitations instead. This is your life now and you don't get a second chance to live it. (Ok you might believe in reincarnation, but thats a different life not this one. Try and get it right this time round!) Allow yourself to succeed and claim the hapiness that is your birthright!

So here ends my 15 recomendations for being healthier and happier. I believe they are the building blocks for a work in progress (life). Making positive changes, choosing different options to those you might be choosing now and trying to find more positive ways of being in and percieving the world, this is what I suggest here. I hope these bricks are something that you may be able to implement in your lives as a foundation to further build upon and develop from, for a happier future!

Children Over Exposed

In order to start my blog, being completely new to the idea, I did a little research, reading other peoples blogs and websites that were called things like "How to Write A Good Blog". I knew roughly the kind of things I wanted to write about, and because I have recently had a baby, I knew parenting would be one of them. Many of the blogs with parenting as a theme show regular photo's of the authors beautiful child/children on various daily adventures. The blogs that I find the most readable are the ones that share quite a lot of personal information and photo's. I had a chat with a dear friend of mine who was totally horrified that I had put my "actual!" photo on my blog, as though I was now known to the entire universe and "PEOPLE WILL KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!", Well I basically said that I had little to hide and that although I had put my first name and photo online it wasn't like I had posted my address, national insurance number and a copy of my birth certificate, so my identity is unlikely to be stolen, no-one that doesn't already know me can really be sure that my name is my name and besides so many people have shared photos and other personal things online that my blog is like a drop in the ocean. I compared it to not going outside in case people see you. Anyway I have found that rather than being revealed to the world, it really isn't that easy attracting people to view your blog in the first place!

My easygoing attitude doesn't extend to my daughter though. I have no trouble sharing cute baby stories about what she did today. (I will try to keep a lid on any maternal bragging, but sometimes its easier said than done) but having given the topic some thought I don't think I could be comfortable sharing photos of her online. It's a subject that has come up before. When Baby J was about 5 months old we decided to get some professional family photos taken. The photographer went on and on about how photogenic she was and how children's modelling agencies would snap her up given a chance. At the time I was really worried about my impending return to work, as I had decided that the best thing for all of us was for me to stay home and look after her, but I couldn't see how we could make things work financially. So I am ashamed to say I considered it for a nanosecond. Sanity did regain hold pretty sharpish because deep down I felt it was unethical. Children have no say on how we use their image or what experiences we expose them too. Not being able to make a personal informed choice, how could I make that choice for her? Alternatively I have a friend who has a daughter who is absolutely stunning and is very into fashion and has her own very individual style who has told her mum she would like to try some modelling. She is 15 and more than able to make an informed choice and her mum is willing to support her choice. So for me the matter is one of permission and choice. My baby has not given me permission to share her photo and she has not made a choice to share her image. The long and short of it is that there may be plenty of cute parental anecdotes, but there will be no baby photos here!

Photo's of children taken at home is a subject that came up in a conversation with my sister. We were talking about all the photos taken of me, of her and pretty much everyone of our age group running around starkers in the garden or splashing about in the bath. These photos seemed pretty unremarkable then. Now my sister feels she couldn't take the same kind of photos of her little ones. At first I said that I didn't really think it was an issue. Then I remembered just three weeks before I went to the coast and I was walking along the beach when I saw a family, and their little boy of about 8 years old was running around naked, laughing and giggling. It stuck in my mind not because I saw anything wrong with the scene, but because I realised that he was the only child on the beach who was naked, and also that he was the only child I had seen naked in public for a very long time. Something fundamental has changed in the psyche of British society. The people of the UK are world renowned for being reserved, but this is something different. What has brought about this modesty? Its not prudishness, its fear. So many parents fear the threat of paedophilia that children are kept covered up to avoid making the a target. The media reports so many awful tales and reminds us so regularly of the danger posed by those who are predatory towards children that it is something that remains at the forefront of social consciousness. Parents worry about being accused of inappropriate behaviour, so they don't take photos of the kids splashing in the bath. We try so hard to protect our children and our family unit, we have lost some of their opportunities for innocence and freedom, and this still doesn't necessarily make our children any safer. How sad.